Nothing can survive this black hole of a movieby Anonymous

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August 05, 2009: Normally I would use this part of the review to discuss the film's plot. Unfortunately, there is nary a hint of a plot to be found in this thing. I don't even want to use the term 'movie' to describe it because it has no resemblance to a movie of any kind. The basic idea was to make a spoof of the movie, 300. Instead, what we get is an incoherent collection of gags based on scenes from the film and references to scenes in other current films. The meat of the problem is that none of this is funny, witty or ironic - not in the least. We have all seen films or programs that make crude jokes designed to be half offensive and half funny. We may have been embarrassed to admit it was funny, but we knew it kind of was. This film doesn't do that. It's not crude humor, it's no humor. The jokes are not even marginally funny. It is full of unoriginal jabs at all the same old, tired, pop-culture targets, looking for the quick joke. They brand the Spartans as homosexuals and then try to make fun of them and everything else in the vain hope of finding humor. What they do is fail horribly. Frankly, this movie was offensive - and I'm not easily offended. It's offensive to homosexuals - frankly it's offensive to anyone with any shred of intelligence. It's offensive that someone actually got paid to film this. There is simply nothing funny in it. Every homemade gag and poor pratfall that you can dig up on Youtube is going to be far and away funnier than anything in this movie. There is just no need for this film to exist. It was physically painful to watch. I didn't pay a dime to watch it, and that's a good thing because I couldn't sit through the whole thing without wanting to gouge my eyes out. I had to watch it in pieces and I still feel like I have been scarred from the experience. I could actually feel brain cells attempting to flee my scull to make the pain stop.

I know that often times, no matter how bad we think a movie is, there are people out there who are actually entertained by it. Normally, no matter how bad a film might be, I at least understood what the producers of the movie were trying to do. I may have thought it failed, but I could understand some people being at least intrigued by it. Meet the Spartans leaves no such room for interpretation.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to Neuralyze myself of the two hours of my life I spent watching this pathetic turd.

This review was written about the DVD Wide Screen / Subtitled / Pan & Scan / Edited / Dubbed edition.

Just like Epic Movie....by Anonymous

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June 04, 2008: Like a live-action tabloid newspaper, this film tries to entertain the "will pay for anything thats a parody" demographic by craming in as many pop culture references, sex jokes, toilet humor, and movie parodies as can fit within the time frame. The acting is poor at best, the plot should be ignored to prevent damage to the brain, and where the film almost becomes funny, it's immediately overshadowed by excess. I will admit that I laughed at the Grand Theft Auto parody complete with glowing money, a car jacking, and the goofy running from the earlier games. Bottom line: Save your money. Buy the real deal, "300", and forget you ever knew of this terrible film.